Some facts about slowpitch softball

[JJF13]

1) When it comes to shoes, aesthetics are twice as important as function. Therefor turfs beat cleats every time, as long as said turfs match your custom pants.

Do black turfs count if your custom pants are just black windbreakers?

2) When it comes to bats, newer = hotter, despite the fact that neither technology, nor compression thresholds have changed in years.

Hotter out of the wrapper compared to older bats with 400 cuts maybe. Truth is all bats are hot when shaved

2a) If a bat is a "first batch" of anything, and has at any point been sold on SBF for more than $400, rule 2 does not apply, and rule 2a is in effect.

The extra $200 is just for the price of being over-hyped...in case you didn't know

3) Anyone who hits the ball harder than you is either cheating or sandbagging, but is most likely a cheating sandbagger.

I wish I could use this as an excuse for my suckiness

4) Anyone who throws harder than you was a minor league prospect and doesn't belong in your league, and is likely the only reason you didn't win the t-shirts this year.

Know a couple of people who were legit minors. but even the people that played high school baseball throw harder than me <- fact

5) You can NEVER have enough league championship t-shirts

I would like to get a shirt for league champs!

6) Unless otherwise stated, every member of this board has played at least B level tournament ball. If they are no longer playing that level, it's by choice.

I haven't

7) If you have at least 6 bats in your bag, you are automatically exempt from paying any league fees, uniform costs, player fees, or other costs associated with softball. In fact, the team is lucky to have you out, and if they don't quit bitching, you're going to leave and take your bats with you!

I only have 3 bats. I still don't have to worry about paying for nothing but maybe some throw together tournaments. But my team is lucky to have me. Someone needs to be so bad it makes the rest of them look good. if I leave it doesn't do me any good since the sponser has team bats.

8) If only ASA is available in your area, then it is a known fact that ASA bats are just as hot as USSSA bats, and who knows why those USSSA wusses think otherwise.

I thought that only applied to the og ext, og flex, and the voltage (when it was asa legal)

9) Not only was the umpire wrong, he cost you the game. He was also seen banging the other team's coach's sister in the parking lot.

What if the coach doesn't have a sister, but a brother...what happens if the coach has neither?

10) The middle is always open. Unless it isn't.

Middle is always open unless you are a ****ty hitter and he kees snapping you off...then it is officially closed down.

11) All board members are personal friends with Jeff Hall and Rusty Bumgardner

They wouldn't except my friends request on facebook so no I don't know them personally

12) If your team is named "Balls Deep," "Off in the Woods," or "Chicks and dix" (co-ed only), then you were the first person to come up with that name and are so clever that Larry David is going to call you any minute now.

Does the same apply for if your men's team is named "chicks with dix"?

13) When it comes to shorts, see rule #1, but multiply by 3.

What if it is just khaki cargo shorts (see alot of that), plus camo shorts (though mostly worn by the guys who play alot of tourney ball

14) Real softball players carry 6-8 bats, but only 1 glove. And should that glove be lost or stolen, no worries, they have more of the same kind at Wal-Mart.

I have 3 bats and 2 gloves does that mean I am just a poser?

15) A flat billed hat pulled down around your eyes means that not only can you blow middle on command (and don't think for a second that you won't), you also have stadium pop.

I thought that was a sign you were a pimp and thug. I thought the eye black was what enabled you to blow middle up on command and have the stadium pop

16) You could hit like BJ Fulk too if you had steroids and a shaved bat. (incidentally this is also the only difference between you and a porn star)

Damn cheater. Wait...nevermind. difference between me and a pornstar is about 8"

17) Real hitters use an overlapping grip. It absolutely does NOT hurt your bat control, but does add 50'-100' to your pop ups!

If you already hit 275' regular on a 300' field, then it works. Actually I used to hit better with a overlap...but now it is just too uncomfortable...but then again I am a poser.

18) Sac flies do not hurt your batting average. Neither do errors. Or fielder's choices (stupid runner should have been husting). Or awesome diving catches that was really a trap but the stupid ump blew the call and cost you 10 points on your stats! And another thing, why is it that the coach always has me hitting .400 when he shows the stats, even though I'm a consistent .700 hitter?

The guy who keeps track of our averages for us counts sacrifice flies as outs. only thing he cant keep track of was whether or not it was a fielders choice because he gets the paper from the score booth.

19) Some people say taking a walk is being a team player, but the reality is that walks don't make panties drop, so they are for suckers!

I'm married I am use to not having panties drop for me so I will just take the walk and keep my average up to make myself feel better.

20) If your friends say you are a legit masher, it's acceptable to refer to yourself in the third person by your SBF screen name, regardless of the situation or venue. (Example: "Warpath doesn't pay extra for honey mustard, so suck on that, Burger King!")

What if you have multiple personalities?

21) If you have ever set foot on the field during a conference tournament, regardless of position or opponent, it is appropriate to not only answer any questions related to the conference, but also to refer to yourself as a "conference level player."

Have about conference level bat boy or water boy?

22)League night is where champions are born, so slide hard with your turfs up!

Screw sliding I always tear my pants (cheap ass boombah pants) and hurt my leg.

 

[CJ8]

Funny stuff here..mostly true!

 

[vipvanilla]

10) The middle is always open. Unless it isn't.
11) All board members are personal friends with Jeff Hall and Rusty Bumgardner
12) If your team is named "Balls Deep," "Off in the Woods," or "Chicks and dix" (co-ed only), then you were the first person to come up with that name and are so clever that Larry David is going to call you any minute now.
15) A flat billed hat pulled down around your eyes means that not only can you blow middle on command (and don't think for a second that you won't), you also have stadium pop.
16) You could hit like BJ Fulk too if you had steroids and a shaved bat. (incidentally this is also the only difference between you and a porn star)

Seriously hilarious!!! I am personal friends w/ Hallsy though...

 

[NDshotokan]

I am personal friends w/ Hallsy though...

Uh huh. We all are bro, we all are.

 

[vipvanilla]

Uh huh. We all are bro, we all are.

No one ever believes me...

 

[NDshotokan]

No one ever believes me...

It's okay, I believe you. Haha.

 

[vipvanilla]

It's okay, I believe you. Haha.

I have pictures to prove it

 

[Classax]

What about the guy you pick up to round out the squad who says he can play anywhere, 8 out of 10 times can actually only play anywhere but where you put him.

 

[popo4u]

I believe a line should be added to pay tribute to those of us who wears a** towels.

 

[Tobes42]

#5 is pretty legit!

 

[macmurph25]

#5 and #19 are flat out lies!
Championship shirts are a waste of money. I'll take reduced league fees instead please!
Also my walk record is legendary!

agreed. I've won championships in 3 different leagues. Never go a shirt, always got to play for free or like $10 the next season.

The coach on one of my teams can't hit a lick. But i just checked the stats (he gave us a print out of them along with the fall schedule) He had 32 walks in the 28 game spring season!

You guys (at least one of you) COMPLETELY missed the joke.

I believe a line should be added to pay tribute to those of us who wears a** towels.

Added.

 

[slippuller49]

It's spot on good work!!!!

 

[House00]

1) When it comes to shoes, aesthetics are twice as important as function. Therefor turfs beat cleats every time, as long as said turfs match your custom pants.
2) When it comes to bats, newer = hotter, despite the fact that neither technology, nor compression thresholds have changed in years.
2a) If a bat is a "first batch" of anything, and has at any point been sold on SBF for more than $400, rule 2 does not apply, and rule 2a is in effect.
3) Anyone who hits the ball harder than you is either cheating or sandbagging, but is most likely a cheating sandbagger.
4) Anyone who throws harder than you was a minor league prospect and doesn't belong in your league, and is likely the only reason you didn't win the t-shirts this year.
5) You can NEVER have enough league championship t-shirts
6) Unless otherwise stated, every member of this board has played at least B level tournament ball. If they are no longer playing that level, it's by choice.
7) If you have at least 6 bats in your bag, you are automatically exempt from paying any league fees, uniform costs, player fees, or other costs associated with softball. In fact, the team is lucky to have you out, and if they don't quit bitching, you're going to leave and take your bats with you!
8) If only ASA is available in your area, then it is a known fact that ASA bats are just as hot as USSSA bats, and who knows why those USSSA wusses think otherwise.
9) Not only was the umpire wrong, he cost you the game. He was also seen banging the other team's coach's sister in the parking lot.
10) The middle is always open. Unless it isn't.
11) All board members are personal friends with Jeff Hall and Rusty Bumgardner
12) If your team is named "Balls Deep," "Off in the Woods," or "Chicks and dix" (co-ed only), then you were the first person to come up with that name and are so clever that Larry David is going to call you any minute now.
13) When it comes to shorts, see rule #1, but multiply by 3.
14) Real softball players carry 6-8 bats, but only 1 glove. And should that glove be lost or stolen, no worries, they have more of the same kind at Wal-Mart.
15) A flat billed hat pulled down around your eyes means that not only can you blow middle on command (and don't think for a second that you won't), you also have stadium pop.
16) You could hit like BJ Fulk too if you had steroids and a shaved bat. (incidentally this is also the only difference between you and a porn star)
17) Real hitters use an overlapping grip. It absolutely does NOT hurt your bat control, but does add 50'-100' to your pop ups!
18) Sac flies do not hurt your batting average. Neither do errors. Or fielder's choices (stupid runner should have been husting). Or awesome diving catches that was really a trap but the stupid ump blew the call and cost you 10 points on your stats! And another thing, why is it that the coach always has me hitting .400 when he shows the stats, even though I'm a consistent .700 hitter?
19) Some people say taking a walk is being a team player, but the reality is that walks don't make panties drop, so they are for suckers!
20) If your friends say you are a legit masher, it's acceptable to refer to yourself in the third person by your SBF screen name, regardless of the situation or venue. (Example: "Warpath doesn't pay extra for honey mustard, so suck on that, Burger King!")
21) If you have ever set foot on the field during a conference tournament, regardless of position or opponent, it is appropriate to not only answer any questions related to the conference, but also to refer to yourself as a "conference level player."
22) Real softball players wear a towel through the back of their belt, regardless of the weather or playing conditions. This towel is to hide the "swamp crack" that is inevitable. A Manpon is an acceptable substitute. All towels must match your shoes, pants and hat.
23)League night is where champions are born, so slide hard with your turfs up!

LOL

this should be a legalized document that you have to sign on order to become a softball player and board member of sbf...

good job

 

[macmurph25]

What if the coach doesn't have a sister, but a brother...what happens if the coach has neither?

Then he is banging your mother.

Does the same apply for if your men's team is named "chicks with dix"?

Yes, only this time it's true.

What if it is just khaki cargo shorts (see alot of that), plus camo shorts (though mostly worn by the guys who play alot of tourney ball

This can get you banned from the complex for life. Known fact.

I have 3 bats and 2 gloves does that mean I am just a poser?

Yes.

Have about conference level bat boy or water boy?

This qualifies. In fact, if any player or coach at a conference event has ever looked directly at you, this rule applies.

 

[Triple7]

#69: The crazier the jersey is the better the team is. Skulls = B or above.

 

[dgambill85]

#70: The number 69 has lost its appeal. It was cool when we were in grade school and high school and when you made your first email address but now it's overplayed. Please choose an original number. 33 1/3 is ok.

 

[S20]

I just have to say that #15 is complete fact! And ass towels for pitchers is acceptable when the OF grass is wet, or it's raining.

 

[SeedHitter]

taking the time to write OG post = more douchey than numbers 1 thru 23.

 

[slippuller49]

#70: The number 69 has lost its appeal. It was cool when we were in grade school and high school and when you made your first email address but now it's overplayed. Please choose an original number. 33 1/3 is ok.

you can only wear # 69 is you are pushing 4 bills and hit judy shots

 

[rmarsh]

I definitely like. Always go head first in league night. And never not say u had him, cause u really did from ur perspective.