1- wear really tight pants. Tight enough that your teammates can read the date on the dime in your back pocket.
2- take 4-5 practice swings before getting in the box. Hit your back with the bat if possible. This causes swelling.
3- build a small mound of dirt in the batters box to push off of. Stand nowhere near it.
4- tell the umpire "I'll give you a verbal". Take 4-5 more swings.
5- take the first pitch. It's a cookie right down the middle. Scowl at the umpire. Maybe even complain that it was clearly only 5'10", not 6'.
6- swing at the next pitch, since the umpire took the bat out of your hands by calling the last pitch a strike, when it was clearly 5'10", not 6'. It is a foot inside, 14' high, and might hit the backstop if you don't hit it. This is your courtesy foul.
7- step out of the box, scowl at umpire again, since he obviously made you swing at this pitch. Repeat steps 2-4.
8- swing at next pitch, since the umpire has no idea what a strike looks like. It's 4' high and a foot outside, but there's no way you're buying beer. Result? 400 foot bomb. Flip bat, walk back to dugout for high fives and bro hugs.