Pickup player horror stories

[humbleseagoat]

New to the forum; this thread compelled me to post.

This is a reverse pick-up.

Joined a work league after being out of the game for a while. I never thought I'd play again, but I wanted to build some camaraderie with the new co-workers so I laced up the old boots.

Team was a complete clusterfudge and the coach is a low-level assistant which means he was compelled to start any manager or supervisor who participated, regardless of how bad they were. He put one of our company's division leaders at 2nd, never mind he was 50 with knees more shot up than the other side of Courtney Love's elbow. Missed 4 times, guy playing shortstop ran to 2nd instead of throwing the ball to the old ass on 2nd. After a few of those, coach pulled Mr. shortstop aside and practically told him to get the old man involved. He never played again after that "talk." None of the managers at the company can play, but coach seems all too happy to get them involved, which probably explains why the team has had a losing record for 5+ years. I suspect he's using his "managerial" position as a coach to expose himself more to the company brass, that's why he'll never lose his coaching job. The bosses love him.

I stopped playing after the second game.

Are all company softball teams like this?

 

[Laoch]

Not so much a pickup but we needed a few players to fill out our team last summer. Guy says he has some buddies and they can try out. 2 of them show up in a ragged out Dodge with stacks, damn coal rollers. One of the guys showed up ready to go in jorts, muddy cowboy boots, and a basketball jersey. We played 9 that season.

 

[SouthSTLOF]

New to the forum; this thread compelled me to post.

This is a reverse pick-up.

Joined a work league after being out of the game for a while. I never thought I'd play again, but I wanted to build some camaraderie with the new co-workers so I laced up the old boots.

Team was a complete clusterfudge and the coach is a low-level assistant which means he was compelled to start any manager or supervisor who participated, regardless of how bad they were. He put one of our company's division leaders at 2nd, never mind he was 50 with knees more shot up than the other side of Courtney Love's elbow. Missed 4 times, guy playing shortstop ran to 2nd instead of throwing the ball to the old ass on 2nd. After a few of those, coach pulled Mr. shortstop aside and practically told him to get the old man involved. He never played again after that "talk." None of the managers at the company can play, but coach seems all too happy to get them involved, which probably explains why the team has had a losing record for 5+ years. I suspect he's using his "managerial" position as a coach to expose himself more to the company brass, that's why he'll never lose his coaching job. The bosses love him.

I stopped playing after the second game.

Are all company softball teams like this?

My company plays in an Advertising/Marketing Club league. I fill in whenever they happen to be short, but fortunately all our players except one are not managers and the one who is is actually a decent player and very competitive. The rest are rec at best but they try hard and have fun. Mostly it's fun and it was a big deal when the team made the playoffs for the first time ever 2 years ago and then again last year. Good people to hang out with and I'll still go watch when I don't play.

 

[nkva]

So, this year in our first game we are going to be short a player and our Church coach tells us we have a hot shot baseball player coming play second base. A couple of us comment upon seeing him walk up and throw some warm ups that he doesn't look like a ball player. Coach says that the kid played travel baseball and knows the game. After his first AB pop up to the pitcher, I greet him at the dugout with encouragement (trying to be a positive role model) and he says " I made contact, but didn't get on. I really wanted to get on so I could score a point for us."

Needless to say, that "scoring a point" is our new team catch phrase.

 

[JFLY25]

I needed a guy for a tourney. Teammate says I gotta guy. He has played lots of ball. So he shows up right at game time with a Wal-Mart bag. He proceeds to pull out a new cheap ass glove and has to pull all the tags off of it and some $12 Wal-Mart Mc Gregor spikes and throws them on and heads out to right. The other team see's this going down and just hammer the ball to RF at every opportunity!!! He caught maybe 2 out of 10 balls in 2 innings before I moved him to catcher. He bitched when he got moved. We ended up winning?!???? He tells me if I have to catch again in the next game i'm out.......We played with 9!

 

[svm20]

one good alot of bad

had a leauge team and a weekend team was at the park for leauge nite and BIGGG guy come walking by i mean 6 6 long arm arms with some guns.he stopes watches us play and says can i play,had a 930 game after that one so i said sure we are always short on 930 games,so i put him at 1st nothing hit to him but caught every throw with my loaner glove.his at bats after his 1st one was a strike out swinging and tells me it wont happen again was piss rods.so he plays weekends with us and is goooood .but comes to me one game says not enough action were i play i want to play there points to ss,i say man you sure he says yes so i put him there and he is money.he is hitting long hrs catching everything.then it happens he says he cant play no more he just got a invite to a nba tryout.i thought yea rite. so havent ever seen him again but found out he played couple years in the nba his name was kenard winchester .he had been kicked off the local collage basketball team james madison,and just stayed in town.
worst so far is last yr going to open wsl tourn in richmond well on friday couple guys are told gotta work sat so i try late nite calls to pick up no luck,surf the local message boards find a guy just moved to area looking to play so he agrees to come out and help.we are at the feilds he comes in in nut hugger wal mart ball pants brand new glove and a t shirt with a nuber that had to have ben 25 yrs old but dont judge a book by the cover.he takes some bp with our bats 5011 dribblers infield pop ups and says these bats are nice how much they cost we say 200 and up,his reponce is you know walmart has them for 34.99.1st game batter nails our pitcher i say you mite have to pitch if he cant go,then see phone to the ear then he tells me i gotta go work needs me.

 

[etnstudios]

my parents live in Harrisonburg and my wife is from there (NOT JMU). maybe i can pick up next time i'm in town

 

[svm20]

in town

lmk when you are around we will find something.

 

[oilslick58]

I think...... I am everyone in Nashville's pick-up horror story;(

 

[ichiromoco]

Guy got hurt during game so somebody had their dad fill in from the stands. Hot day. Last inning dude has heart attack and sadly passed. How's that for horrible.

 

[KraigP26]

Guy got hurt during game so somebody had their dad fill in from the stands. Hot day. Last inning dude has heart attack and sadly passed. How's that for horrible.

Not a pick-up story but last season this happened to a preacher down here. He was early 40s and was walking off the field and he told the guys to call his wife cause he was having a heart attack. He told her on the phone that he loved her and the kids cause they would not see him alive again. Died on the way to the hospital.

 

[Wolfynuts24]

Way to ruin the mood M'efers

 

[harwell2610]

Guy that played with us asked if he could have a courtesy runner after he got a hit (rare occurrence). Was somehow able to hit the ball however he just stood in the box and watched as he got thrown out at first. Turned to us with anger and asked where his runner was...

 

[ryanclink]

Guy that played with us asked if he could have a courtesy runner after he got a hit (rare occurrence). Was somehow able to hit the ball however he just stood in the box and watched as he got thrown out at first. Turned to us with anger and asked where his runner was...

HAHAHAHA

That's as good as the time I filled in for a co-ed team and went 1-4 because I kept trying to not hit the ball back up the middle on a bunch of outside pitches. Lady P and Lady 2B... Felt like they would die if I hit it to them. Short pitches and outside -... 1/4. I was THAT guy.

 

[brees6221]

We played last week against a team who had to pick up a guy just to get 9 players. Real nice guy but it was obvious he had never played or watched the sport before. I was pitching and his first time at bat he stood right ON TOP of the plate. I tried not to laugh while the umpire and our catcher helped position him. Later in the game he almost reached first base on a swinging bunt. Our catcher threw the ball to first base where it would have been a close play if he hadn't put on the brakes and tried to run back towards home plate. One of our guys in the first base dugout then explained to him that you can run through first base on a single.

After shaking hands with the other team after the game, one of their guys thanked us for being so nice and patient with him, and said they knew he had never played so they showed him some ESPN clips on the way to the field, lol.

 

[Scottishheat]

HAHAHAHA

That's as good as the time I filled in for a co-ed team and went 1-4 because I kept trying to not hit the ball back up the middle on a bunch of outside pitches. Lady P and Lady 2B... Felt like they would die if I hit it to them. Short pitches and outside -... 1/4. I was THAT guy.

Psssh. Girl's pitching. Middle's open!!!

 

[sjury]

At the ball diamond after our game having pizza and beers. Team after us has a spectator play third base. He reached for two line drives past his head when the balls were in left field. A guy from another team says, "Do you guys see this?" We all said yes. Within a minute, one hopper comes up and smashes him in the eye. Ambulance time.... Broke his socket.

 

[Doogster]

First game of the year for co-ed and it is 40 degrees with chance of flurries. 4 people that said they'd be there flake out day of. We hit up the fb group and find some girls that want to play. One I have played with before. Talks and talks and talks about how well she can hit and how awesome she is at 1st base. She is big, slow and can't hit it past the pitcher, can't catch a throw unless it hits her glove and won't attempt to field a grounder unless it is right at her feet.

Second girl I have not seen before, she is SMOKING HOT! Pretty face, great body. She shows up in tight yoga/windbreaker type pants and form fitting windbreaker jacket. She definitely catches the eyes of the two single dudes on the team and they are taking turns chatting her up. As we are getting ready for the game to start she busts out a can of wintergreen skoal, taps it, and pulls out a big pinch and shoves it in her mouth. I could see the one dude deflate and just walk away. The other dude asked her for a pinch and I think got her number after the game. She could ball alright too, she was super fun to watch fun the bases too

 

[etnstudios]

well if she's willing to put that in her mouth...

 

[SKEET SKEET]

I once picked up a player but hurt my back for weeks. Next time I'll try someone more on the skinny side.

 

[baseballofp17]

i was umping last night. Mens league, but i see they have a 2 girls on the team, no big deal. Well end of the first game another shows up, they add her to the bottom and she bats. Throws up 2 ugly swings and gets out. Guy behind her gets on and needs a runner, she starts running across the diamond, stops comes to me and says, where do i stand? With 2 outs, i tell her on the base and when they hit it run.

 

[ming01]

picked up a player and put him in RF. ball was hit directly in front of him about 10 ft, he just stood there and the RC had to come get it. we asked him why he didnt field it and he said he saw more than 1 ball. turned out he got high before the game lol

 

[Speed Demon]

I'm new here on the forums but these stories had me spitting my beer out of my mouth when I was reading them. This is a classic!
I have a co-ed player pick up story. Before the season started, our 2B says she has a friend that wanted to play with us this season. The usual adjectives were said "she can hit", "she can play", etc., so we give her a shot. She's actually a girls' youth softball coach in the area so we were exited to have her. Problem though is that she slower than molasses! I think my 10yo girls can beat her in a foot race, and she's doesn't lay out for balls unless it's hit directly to her.
Well, she's still on the team and she comes through with her bat. Great pick up!

 

[Stretch19]

if shes a great pick up, whys this story being told in the horror stories thread? fuggin nub

 

[Paulypal]

I'm new here on the forums but these stories had me spitting my beer out of my mouth when I was reading them. This is a classic!
I have a co-ed player pick up story. Before the season started, our 2B says she has a friend that wanted to play with us this season. The usual adjectives were said "she can hit", "she can play", etc., so we give her a shot. She's actually a girls' youth softball coach in the area so we were exited to have her. Problem though is that she slower than molasses! I think my 10yo girls can beat her in a foot race, and she's doesn't lay out for balls unless it's hit directly to her.
Well, she's still on the team and she comes through with her bat. Great pick up!

So she is good, but your knock is that she is slow, and doesnt lay out for balls.

You just described 90% of slo-pitch players.

Also - if the ball is hit directly at her why would she or anyone else need to lay out?

Too bad you only get one shot at your first post.

 

[Softball101tc]

I got picked up for a coed team at bld mira loma first game broke my thumb on my throwing hand , so second game show up trying to still play on pain killers I admit when I drink or am on pain killers I am a ash hole I talk a ton of trash when I'm drunk so playing short I unleash a rocket to first to pick off the runner our first baseman, she was walking away from the bag almost nailed the runner guy running the team tells me to get off the field. Hands me my money back and says we don't need you.

Then I'm playing in duarte get called to sub on a "competitive team" and the first baseman ducks from my throw and I never get called back

Wow, you must be awesome!

 

[majicmike]

Great stories,,Ive been smiling for 14 pages.

 

[Jusrah99]

Picked up one of our female's teammates brothers one night when we were short. Dude had a Walmart bought Easton roller. He then tells me that he's sponsored by Easton and looks at his bag to reassure me. I don't say anything but I'm already thinking he's one of those guys that is going to talk a big game and suck...sure enough, he can't hit, has a decent arm, but can't make any plays...and makes an excuse for everything...I nicknamed him "sponsored"...

Another dude my work team picked up claims he was faster 2 months ago...as I have to run down balls in Right Center from Left Center as he tells me "you got it bro!" He also has the latest and greatest bats, but rarely hits the fence on our 290' fields...while always saying "I don't know how that didn't go out, I got all of that one." Hems not good enough for a nickname...so I just call him annoying...

 

[GOING 4 THIRD]

i was asked to play in a rr on a friday night. Team was just a mix of guys, so its funny how this happened. First game started late so i had time to meet my wife and her friends for a drink during happy hour. On my way home from work i get a text from the guy who was putting together the team. He asked if i could find a ss. So i looked over my contacts and called who i could until i sat down at the table where my wife and her friends were. So i was introduce to some of the ppl there who i have never met. Normally always females, but this one time a couple of guys. So one of the girls who knew me ask if or when the next time i was playing softball because one of the guys was interested in playing. So i told them i was playing in a few hrs. So this one guy goes on about how he played college ball and he was a 4 yr starter. How great he was and he played ss. Well needless to say, i said we needed a ss. The guy said he wanted to play but no gear. I told him not to worry about it, i live 5 min away and i can loan him stuff to wear and had a glove he can use. He was in and i let the person who was running the team that i found a guy.

So we get to the park and started to play. Mind you we were sober. First shot that came to him he didn't move, looked rusty from my view. Then the next one, the ball hit straight to him and off the glove and rolled off the shoulder. His words were "not use to this glove". So after a few missed fielded balls he gets one and over throws 1st pretty bad. Team at this point wasn't upset but thought it was comical because he bragged about his resume. So then getting into the next inning we had a runner on first. Shot to 2nd and the guy turns to throw for the double play and this dude was just standing there looking at him and never moved. So we told him to play out field but he wanted one last chance. So the very next batter hits one straight to him and hops right into the face. It gets better. So after taking time to see if he was ok, and clean the blood off his face, he wanted to keep playing. So after moving ppl around we put him in rc because he was fast and we really couldn't put him anywhere else. Rf was a catcher btw. We get out of the inning, playing the game. This guy strikes out swinging every time never allowing a ball to ever go by. Then we take the field and a guy hits a pop up to rc. This guy might of had to take a step or two to camp under the ball. Well this guy lets the ball hit him in the face .... Again. That was all in 1 game. He asked if he could sit out the rest of the tourney and drink and we said no prob. It was a long quite ride home.

scott sterling!!!!!

 

[BallsDeep87]

Had one on a team I played with a few years ago. First game of the year this new guy shows up, manager said he was a pickup he found. Before we even start, he is talking about all the tourneys he plays, how he plays 4 nights a week. Doesn't look like a ball player at all, his pants came down to just above his ankle, with short ankle socks on, showing about 3 inches of skin. A couple of us look at each other thinking "well let's see what he can do" He lived up to the look, had excuses about everything from fielding to being pissed everytime he flew out. Come to find out after the game we find out where out manager found him...Craigslist. So he had a new nickname "Craig" ended up being an alright guy, horrible ball player. Still see him around the fields, and chuckle at the nickname.